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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25727965">we were</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefariousness/pseuds/nefariousness'>nefariousness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wanna One (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:54:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25727965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefariousness/pseuds/nefariousness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>for the constellation of stars and his sun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kang Daniel/Ong Seongwu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we were</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>your playlist should be</p><p>exile - taylor swift ft. bon iver<br/>august - taylor swift<br/>be my mistake - the 1975</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ong Seongwoo thinks that August is transitional time – something like in between, after summer and before fall, after burning hot before warmth and somewhere before it eventually turns cold. A lot can happen in between, there is no define meaning to it, it is not <em>this</em> or <em>that</em>, it is never too much or too little, but never enough too, it is a confusing premise, Seongwoo admits – and on top of everything it is his birth month, which has nothing to do with his theoretic thoughts about August.</p><p>“Seongwoo.” Minhyun’s voice drew him back to reality. “You are staring,” Minhyun continued with his eyebrow raised, expecting an explanation, Seongwoo assumed. “At what?” Seongwoo replied instead. “Nothing, at nothing,” Minhyun stated, like he is already tired of it, of what’s coming next – Seongwoo doesn’t blame him, he is exhausted too. Seongwoo feels nothing anyway, and somehow it projected too much that his brain decided to attract nothingness on every given chance.</p><p>“He’s not worth it,” Minhyun said at the end, like he always knows – and Minhyun’s not wrong, in fact, Minhyun always have a remarkable point – Seongwoo hates that sometimes.</p><p>“<em>Hm</em>,” Seongwoo hummed shortly, followed by the big invisible lump on his throat, like he is constantly singing a sad song that has no end and it hurts him until he couldn’t feel pain anymore. <em>But I loved him</em>. It was terrible, all the unspoken words, all the lingering thoughts and all the feelings that were only felt by one instead of two.</p><p>“He doesn’t,” Minhyun emphasized like he knows – Seongwoo thinks that it is because while he was singing, Minhyun is listening the undying sad song and Minhyun too, must be sick of it.</p><p>“How can you be so sure?” Seongwoo chuckled – it sounded horrible, like a piercing dagger wounding his skin and Minhyun looked so pissed, he was almost angry but then their eyes met and Minhyun soften just a bit – still annoyed, but with a bit of pity, Seongwoo hates that too.</p><p>“He wouldn’t let you fight alone if he loved and cared about you, Seongwoo.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p><em>He wouldn’t, he promised he wouldn’t</em>. Seongwoo bit his tongue to stop feeling – to stop the tears that were building up when he couldn’t sleep at night. At the very beginning, Seongwoo genuinely thought with all the heart he has left, that they could make it, even with all the doubts and worries floating above them like clouds on rainy days.</p><p>Kang Daniel is just that kind of person – so bright that Seongwoo forgot that the sky is capable of being dark too. Seongwoo thought that they would be different, even only an inch of it – that at least they would have a different kind of ending that the ones Seongwoo used to know, that at least they could get the kind of ending that would put Seongwoo in peace and warmth for a long time. Because Daniel has always been that kind of person – like his whole being is made out of a sun, leaking light here and there, filling Seongwoo’s edges like they had never been cloudy.</p><p>Seongwoo and Daniel – has always started on a very thin line, a small space, so fragile that it could collapse anytime, because Seongwoo has always been so cautious, he doesn’t really give too much space to anyone. But Daniel, he made it very believable that even with a small line, they could walk together hand in hand, and even if they fall, they would fall together.</p><p>And Seongwoo has always been that kind of person – that is why they took a long time before they could walk together, because Seongwoo had been a sad character on his own movies too many times before. It took times before he could give all his trust and heart to Daniel – and entrusting Daniel used to be a great idea, until it’s not – maybe because it has always been a terrible idea.</p><p>But Daniel is just that kind of person, he makes it so easy, too easy.</p><p>Seongwoo didn’t even know when it started, one day he woke up and he thought he couldn’t live a day without Daniel – and it was terrifying at its best because Seongwoo thinks he has seen this film before, and he didn’t like the ending. And Daniel makes it so easy that Seongwoo’s heart is willing to give every beat and every vein on his body for Daniel, and the way Seongwoo would trade anything to wake up each day to Daniel, is beyond his own understanding.</p><p>Seongwoo doesn’t make any sound when he cry anymore – he just let his tears fell, along with all the feelings left he had for Daniel. Sitting on the corner of his bed, grabbing his bed sheet, trying to find something to hold on and his head’s a mess. Nothing makes sense anymore, Seongwoo thinks it was his fault, but who is it really? Because Daniel too, gave up on them.</p><p>How ironic it is that a heart is still hurting by something that he supposedly has seen coming?</p><p>But ignoring all the signs like a complete moron is what Seongwoo was – and Seongwoo thought giving everything he has will make a person stay, but a person only stay if they only want to stay and fix the problems that they had within them – Daniel didn’t want to, Daniel thought it was easier to leave, because turned out they weren’t for each other.</p><p>So why did Daniel make it like they were stars that aligned – some sort of destined to be?</p><p>Daniel also made sure that everything that Seongwoo believes about making a thin line big enough for two if they tried hard enough, vanished with the wind just like that.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I can continue this anymore, <em><span class="u">hyung</span></em>.” There was a hint of softness still, even though he was carrying blades on his words – Daniel still found how to get to Seongwoo’s best spot. “Is there someone else?” Seongwoo bit back his tongue as he let out a painful low chuckle. “No, I would never do that to you,” Daniel replied. “It just–,”</p><p>“You are done fighting?” Seongwoo cut in and the way Daniel’s gaze shifted away from Seongwoo, just confirmed a lot of things. “I’m sorry, I just – hyung, we deserve better, right?” Daniel paused – Seongwoo knew because the words choked him too. “I understand if you hate me,”</p><p>“I could never hate you, Daniel,” Seongwoo cut in again, along with a weak smile. How could he? Daniel came and has become everything Seongwoo has ever asked for, until he stopped, until even Daniel is tired of fighting for him – maybe it <em>was</em> Seongwoo’s fault. “Me too, hyung.” Daniel let out a soft sigh.</p><p>“Then, why?”</p><p>Seongwoo didn’t know that nothingness would hurt that much – it was supposed to be nothing, but Seongwoo’s everything relied on the void at that moment. Seongwoo figured that it took approximately millions time easier to break their relationship and his trust than when Daniel tried to break his walls at the very beginning – the wall that Seongwoo should have not let crumbled down to pieces, because it was going to save him from all the painful shits he went through.</p><p>Seongwoo hates himself sometimes – a lot of the times, but when he said he could never hate Daniel, he meant it. He also meant it when he wanted them to work out, after everything they went through.</p><p>“We deserve better, <em>you</em> deserve someone who can love you with all the heart they have and someone who would spend every seconds with you, someone who makes times for you, someone that will cherish you because you deserve everything, Seongwoo hyung, you still are and I am not that kind of person, I am not good for you. I am not the person who will be able to even give you the world when you deserve the entire universe.”</p><p>“I never wanted the entire universe, Daniel.” Seongwoo chuckled softly in between his silent cry. “How do you expect me to begin again with someone else after all of this? Is that not a bit cruel, Daniel?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, hyung, I really am,” Daniel whispered in a broken voice – tint of sadness and loads of misery, those didn’t fit the younger at all – have Seongwoo made him like this? Have Seongwoo been the one who break them? Have Seongwoo been the one with all the bad intentions and that is why they are so crooked like at that moment?</p><p>“This is not and never your fault only, I am at fault too,” Daniel added in low voice – like he could read Seongwoo’s mind just like that – not surprising at all. “Don’t put all the blame on you, please, I know what you are thinking because–,”</p><p>“You didn’t meet me just yesterday, <em>huh</em>?” Seongwoo thought he really should have seen this coming so he could feel a little less numb towards all the pain that he was feeling right then. But no, of course not, Seongwoo failed to do that. “Yeah.” Daniel smiled as Seongwoo could see the tears were slowly falling from his eyes – has Daniel been hurting for a while too? Did Seongwoo hurt him like Daniel has been hurting him too?</p><p>Seongwoo wouldn’t know, Seongwoo wouldn’t understand since silence has been their best friends lately – and it has come to an end, a definitive finish line that Seongwoo hates. And there they were, after days of keeping their feelings inside, they had come to their peak of tiredness.</p><p>“Did you regret it?” Seongwoo asked instead, because what else could hurt him more right then? “What? You?” Daniel exhaled and Seongwoo was so afraid of the answer all of the sudden, because all of the possible outcomes that he might have to deal for a long time – Seongwoo just want to be happy, but they got an ending instead. “No,” Daniel added right away.</p><p>“Seongwoo hyung, just because we didn’t end up being together, doesn’t mean that you are not the best thing that could ever happen to me, because you are.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p><em>Then why did he left?</em> Seongwoo thought maybe because Daniel was never his to begin with. In contrary to how they ended it sometimes before fall, Seongwoo met Daniel in the summer and there was no other deadly combination than seeing Daniel and his smile under a hot scorching sun in the middle of a summer day – and Daniel having a smile that could put the sun itself into shame – it was pretty much all he took to grab Seongwoo’s attention.</p><p>And after tons of stolen kisses and twisted bedsheets, Seongwoo knew that Daniel would be the end of him – and then somewhere between the line, wanting and hoping that everything will turn out just fine is enough. Maybe it was enough until it was not – maybe it took really a lot more to make something work the way Seongwoo longs it to be.</p><p>He thought a lot of how Daniel used to look at him like he was the only thing that matters to him, and the way Daniel laughs at every of his joke – no matter how everyone says how unfunny Seongwoo is, how Daniel will talk to him when he couldn’t sleep at night, how they went out in the middle of the night just for the sake of having fun and empty stomach that needed to be fed. How they would just click right away in every situation, how they always managed to find something to talk about, how they know what each other were thinking even before they said anything, how they would spend days and nights together, how their bodies become so used to each other’s presence – how it was always been Daniel and Seongwoo against the whole world.</p><p>Maybe Seongwoo and Daniel were indeed meant to be – meant to spend a period of time with each other, meant to teach something to each other, meant to build and ruin each other, meant to grow together, just not to last forever. Maybe that is why Daniel made it so easy for Seongwoo to give his heart out, maybe because they were meant to meet but not meant to be together.</p><p>Because falling in love is easy, but staying has never been one.</p><p>Seongwoo learned that letting go is a form of love too, because it was easier than holding on to someone who was never his from the very beginning – something that Seongwoo failed to see at the very beginning. Still, some days Seongwoo blamed Daniel for not trying hard enough, some other days Seongwoo blamed himself for trying too hard.</p><p>Because Seongwoo has already prepared for the possible ending – a sad, tragic one, but still he has that little tiny bit of hope that he hold on into that they would end differently, and that hope was the thing that fucked him up, because it was the thing that killed Seongwoo, making one of the hardest pills to swallow and the pain to bear is how that tiny bit of hopes and dream to end up being happy, being gone just like that.</p><p>Sometimes people meet someone, and they went ignoring all the beliefs, got a tiny bit of faith that something called fate do exist, but in the end they still doesn’t end up forever – maybe that’s what Seongwoo and Daniel are – they were supposed to make each other believe in something again, but at the end, Seongwoo realizes that Daniel came to teach him that everything is real and yet everything still could be taken away from him.</p><p>Even if Daniel had always been his home, yet he was still forced to go from his own sanctuary – and Seongwoo realized that he has underestimated what is it like to hurt, <em>no</em>, he has underestimated the power Daniel has to hurt him since he thought Daniel wouldn’t have one and that what’s make it even more damaging.</p><p>Maybe Daniel left because it was what Seongwo needed – a wake-up call, because Daniel has never been his to lose since the very start – and maybe because Seongwoo deserves a gentler ending, not happy, just a little less painful than before.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“He loved me, Minhyun-ah, and I weren’t always fighting for us alone, at some point, he was hurting too,” Seongwoo replied instead at the end. “Stop it.” Minhyun snorted. “No, it’s not some sort of a coping sentence that I need to heal anymore, I think it was real and I loved him too, and a little part of me will always come back to him because simply he is my favorite sad ending.” Seongwoo smiled a little at the end. “I learned a lot since he left me, you know?” Seongwoo added.</p><p>“Why? Honestly I don’t get it, Seongwoo, why would he be your favorite?” Minhyun sighed in frustration. “I just don’t know, maybe what I had for him is more than just <em>that</em>, you know, it was an eye-opening, some sort of.” Seongwoo shrugged. They were more than just that – they were beautiful, almost borderline a masterpiece until it was left as a broken painting.</p><p>For the whole year, Seongwoo thought that he could never move on from the broken pieces Daniel left him with – but he proudly say that he slowly but surely did – in the midst of chaos and sadness, he thought himself that sometimes people do grow apart, no matter how breathtaking they are together – something beautiful and delicate pieces of art break too.</p><p>And it will always hurt a little bit here and there, sometimes Seongwoo still thinks about Daniel before he goes to sleep, because that’s what happen when you loved someone so much that you forget how to function yourself before them. Sometimes Seongwoo prays that in the other universe, maybe just one of them, he could be with Daniel as an ending, a happy one – like a film where Seongwoo likes the ending.</p><p>In a way, Seongwoo could never forget Daniel, because of how happy and painful Daniel has made him but somewhere along the line, Seongwoo would always think back to Daniel until the thoughts doesn’t pain him anymore and somewhere along the way, his name doesn’t taste as bitter as the first time he cried after Daniel left. Seongwoo likes to think that it was his healing himself.</p><p>The absence of Daniel should have killed – and it did at the very beginning, and that is how Seongwoo know what they had is real, it was love even though it stopped because they know they are going to ruin each other if they don’t – maybe Daniel figured this out first, about how poisonous they had become to each other – and that’s love too, Seongwoo thinks.</p><p>It is indeed a sad plot because Seongwoo was in love with Daniel and Daniel was in love with Seongwoo. Because Seongwoo would look at Daniel like he was indeed the sun and Daniel would look at Seongwoo like Seongwoo was his complex set of stars set in one body – but they weren’t meant to shine together like how the sun shines at day and how the star shines at night. And even though they were both stars under the same sky, they never meant to stay with each other.</p><p>A year ago, Seongwoo would have still cried about it – it was the very first day without Daniel and Seongwoo was still counting until when the last part of wound will heal completely – or will it even heal? Seongwoo doubted it. August fifth has become so weird, so transitional, somewhere in between everything and Seongwoo doesn’t know what to do with the feelings.</p><p>Walking through the sidewalk, Seongwoo was once again hit with the wave of similarities, it’s like he was just right there yesterday, but he has learned a lot – and Seongwoo feel a little ebit more content right then, and that was until everything become too familiar.</p><p>It has been months, but Seongwoo swore that he could recognize the laugh anywhere even if he tried to forget, like it is used to be his favorite song – searching the source of the sound, Seongwoo turned his head around to see a group of people talking and just like that, like their stars aligned, Seongwoo met a pair of eyes that used to hold the entire universe of him. It’s like walking through nostalgia and Seongwoo felt just a tiny bit homesick.</p><p>Wind in Seongwoo’s hair as the first leaf of fall fell somewhere that afternoon, there they go again – Daniel smiled at him, still soft and gentle, and striking like a leaking sunlight, and Seongwoo has no reason not to smile back at him, because after all, Seongwoo has seen this film before, and even though he didn’t like the ending –</p><p>Still, they were once beautiful.</p>
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